Pain

I see my life unfolding before me, and the picture isn't how i had imagined. The things i felt and experienced in high school are not the things i expected to happen in college, but it seems, that the things that happened werent a result of the environment i was in...but rather, who i am inside of it, The downsides of high school in which i had hoped to escaped, are as it seems, inescapable. and its teaching me that the world. And it seems to me pushing me to a place that i dont want to go... It pushes at things that i thought were almost entirely secure, and it pushes at the very heartstrings of who i am...I know that college life changes people, but i don't want to change in the ways that it is trying to augment me..I dont want to not care, i dont want to not feel, or not be sweet..I don't want to make my life just about going from one party to the next, about having the next shot, or the most games of beer pong in one night..I want to be me..but it seems like the world doesn't want to accept it..And it hurts to think about, because ive been told my whole life, that this was who i needed to be, who i should be, but the world is telling me that i'll always have it harder, more difficult, more painful, because i am the way i am..because i care, because i feel...and i just cant believe it.. I can't accept that i was set up to fail! i refuse to believe that i was a creation of something never acceptable in society! and i refuse to believe, that i was made this way, just so i can have a harder life, a more painful life...i can't believe it...i wont believe it, and i'll prove that it wont be as the world says....I'll find the way...i just have to....i just...have..to...