Reminders

I wonder why it is, and i dont know if this is just me, but when we find those things that take us back to our inner child, its like a shock to the system?....I feel the most deepest parts of my soul, and i watch them as they take form into something that was once just a light, It's a heart that is innocent and caring, finding the goodness in everything, and knowing whats really important. The small things that we take for granted, or the minute things that make our lives that much better...

I feel my soul trying to tell me something, and a scene unfold before me. Two kids, sitting under the stars, staring up at them in awe and wonder, talking and listening to one another. And despite everything else in the world, this one moment, takes precedence over everything else. This being one of the moments in our lives that really describe what it is to be a human, in the best part... We can only hope to try our hardest never to forget who we were at these moments, because they are the best parts of who we are, the pure, the innocent, the love without understanding...and the happiness that it creates inside of us...

So to answer my previously posed question...I think it is because when we feel these things, its such a shock to us, that we managed to forget ourselves through the passage of time. And its so shocking to think of how we have lived our lives without remember the child we were, and deep down inside, the child we still are, underneath the social cues, and environmental conformity...Find your scene, wether its yourself as a kid sitting on a dock fishing with a smile, or laying out under the stars with someone you liked, or smiling at a moment when you are having such a great time....Dont let it out of your heart...Protect it and nuture it...If you can find this...you should make it happen again, as best as you can, and let yourself be the child you once more, and i can guarantee you that your smile, will feel better than all the smiles you've given without it....

Time two.

A flowing river carries everything in it somewhere. Carries it to when, carries it to where, and the things inside, change with every passing rock, fish, and current. Our lives are very much the same. Time is our river, and everything is inside of it. We grow, we learn, we strive, we fail, we achieve. It is the way our world was engineered, and we are obligated to follow it.

But this doesn't make it a bad thing. You see, for us, life is ever changing, and we never have the same experience twice. Sometimes in how fast things change, we lose sight of the ties we made in the past. The friends we've made, the smiles we've shared, and the bonds that we have built with the world around us. We just cant forget them...we can't let the changes in our lives reflect the foundation that gave way to the changes to lead us to who we are now, or who we become in the future...

Hold on to the things that made you what you are, who you are. The friends, the places, the memories.. Let them grow with you, with who you are, and dont let those ties be severed... By doing so, you will allow yourself to have the chance to be something amazing..something that isn't just your past, or isn't just your changed person...you could grow with the world, with your inner child, with your heart...

Acceptance

There comes a time in any person's life, when the life that they are pushed to succed in, becomes the life that is trailing behind the person, trying desperately to keep up to the immeasurable things the person is striving to achieve. That is when there is never any doubt of success, or question of doing the right thing...

                                             -Kei

Pain

I see my life unfolding before me, and the picture isn't how i had imagined. The things i felt and experienced in high school are not the things i expected to happen in college, but it seems, that the things that happened werent a result of the environment i was in...but rather, who i am inside of it, The downsides of high school in which i had hoped to escaped, are as it seems, inescapable. and its teaching me that the world. And it seems to me pushing me to a place that i dont want to go... It pushes at things that i thought were almost entirely secure, and it pushes at the very heartstrings of who i am...I know that college life changes people, but i don't want to change in the ways that it is trying to augment me..I dont want to not care, i dont want to not feel, or not be sweet..I don't want to make my life just about going from one party to the next, about having the next shot, or the most games of beer pong in one night..I want to be me..but it seems like the world doesn't want to accept it..And it hurts to think about, because ive been told my whole life, that this was who i needed to be, who i should be, but the world is telling me that i'll always have it harder, more difficult, more painful, because i am the way i am..because i care, because i feel...and i just cant believe it.. I can't accept that i was set up to fail! i refuse to believe that i was a creation of something never acceptable in society! and i refuse to believe, that i was made this way, just so i can have a harder life, a more painful life...i can't believe it...i wont believe it, and i'll prove that it wont be as the world says....I'll find the way...i just have to....i just...have..to...

Changes

In all that has changed since my last post, life, college, trips across the country...i wonder where i stand. How has all of these events changed me? Have they been good, bad, or ugly. I've lost alot in the past year, things important, things not, people, and events that could have been great, but for whatever reason, i took the chances i had and squandered them. On the other side, i have gained alot..ive gained family, one in which i never dreamed of, ive been across the country, saw things ive only dreamed of, and somethings that no amount of miles could ever reach. I saw inside myself, and saw what my actions had done to me, and others..

Our lives are something that is so radical, that in the end, nothing ever makes sense. We get things we dont expect, and seldom get things just the way we want. Life hurts..worse than anything..and it feels better than everything.. its just so hard...We come down on ourselves so much just to try and justify the misgivings that we feel life has given us. I dont have the answer..nor do i think anyone ever will..but i'll keep trying, because somehow, i'll always keep believing that things will get better, that things must get better, that it cant be just what is laid out before me...it cant be just what hurts...it can't be what bad things ive done...I don't want to be cold..i don't want to be hurtful...I dont want the memories of me filled with pain and anguish..I want to live my life and be happy, and i want that for everyone else too..So i'll just keep trying.. i'll keep hoping, and maybe, just maybe, i'll find the happiness im looking for..and so will you..