Changes

In all that has changed since my last post, life, college, trips across the country...i wonder where i stand. How has all of these events changed me? Have they been good, bad, or ugly. I've lost alot in the past year, things important, things not, people, and events that could have been great, but for whatever reason, i took the chances i had and squandered them. On the other side, i have gained alot..ive gained family, one in which i never dreamed of, ive been across the country, saw things ive only dreamed of, and somethings that no amount of miles could ever reach. I saw inside myself, and saw what my actions had done to me, and others..

Our lives are something that is so radical, that in the end, nothing ever makes sense. We get things we dont expect, and seldom get things just the way we want. Life hurts..worse than anything..and it feels better than everything.. its just so hard...We come down on ourselves so much just to try and justify the misgivings that we feel life has given us. I dont have the answer..nor do i think anyone ever will..but i'll keep trying, because somehow, i'll always keep believing that things will get better, that things must get better, that it cant be just what is laid out before me...it cant be just what hurts...it can't be what bad things ive done...I don't want to be cold..i don't want to be hurtful...I dont want the memories of me filled with pain and anguish..I want to live my life and be happy, and i want that for everyone else too..So i'll just keep trying.. i'll keep hoping, and maybe, just maybe, i'll find the happiness im looking for..and so will you..