Searching.

 Am i going to post this, or not. I havent decided yet. It has to do
with my own insecurities, I am sure, but why i persist to find answers
for who i am, is the greatest question i face. Am i not content with
just accepting who i am, reguardless of the reason, or am i trying to
make explanation for explanation so i can organize and decipher what
makes up me. Do i really want to be able to divide myself into parts,
making split personalities, to maybe make my life something that it
isn't. What is it. I hope that in writing this, i have a little more
clarity.



Kalen. Mike. Kei. Micheal. All these are names that i am known by now.



Psychology. Science. Philosophy. Stupidity. All these are things that i am known for by now.



Pride. Deception. Hurt. Stubbornness. Romance. Perversion. Humor. Intelligence. All these are what people around me see by now.



I feel none at the same time, yet somehow, they are all felt in every
action. albeit in regret of not following it, or in pride of doing so.



My thought process changes during different situations, allowing me to
think completely different than i was before, having new thoughts,
idea's, and words, that i didn't have previously. Who is who..i wish i
knew..but here is a letter i write to myself. All of myself.



Kalen, You are our body. You are the kid. Everything we do reflects
back onto you. You are the figurehead for our existence, and what
everyone knows us by. You are..Romance.. you want to be simple, but
happy, in love, without thought, not caring about the world, just
whosoever is lucky enough to have your heart, and give theirs back to
you. It is your Scientific mind that created us, and that allows us to
travel back and forth inside of you. In the end, you have the most
sincere goal of all of us. And we hope that one day we can make your
goal come to pass. We all know what it feels like to Live a dream. You
showed us that in Tokyo. You deserve to live your dreams, and in the
end, We hope that it happens for you. When you grow up, I think we will
be gone, so when that happens, we hope we have helped to create a life
that you are content with.



Mike, You are the perv. We know it. It started back in 6th grade. You
are the pleasure being of our nature. B Smart though, using what Kalen
knows and feels to try to increase that stimulus. It sucks that through
the rest of us, it is harder for you to feel that stimulus, by us
making things more complicated. Sorry. If things wouldn't have gotten
hard on Kalen, then you wouldn't have had to suffer for it. You have
been with him the longest, so you know more. I know you aren't the
smartest, letting your sexual nature cloud your judgement, often
leading you blind to follow, but at least you try. As soon as its over,
you turn into just the right one of us, the one who's heart is always
in the right place.



Kei, You are trying to regain the normality in society that we have lost and long for. An
admirable thing to do. I know that you feel more pride, pain, and sorrow. than the rest of
us, but by the same token, you are more down to earth, unblinded by
whatever comes across you, seeing the world for just what it is, not
following anything, just doing it your way. You are trying to save
Kalen heartache, and we are glad that you do. We also know that you are
the drinker. Its not something we complain about, but dont do it too
often. We set up the four rules to protect us, but lately it seems you
are slipping just a little. Take care of us. You seem to be the day to
day decision maker, so please, dont lead us down the wrong path..We
also know that you are the philosopher. Its you who takes a step back
to see the world around you, and its interactions, not just the choice
to be made, or to cut yourself off from it. With you, we found poetry,
and the way to express ourselves. You help us understand why the choice
is, not so much the choice to make, So that in the end, we feel secure
and at peace with our decision. But you need to do it more often. Work
with Mike, so that the pleasures we feel dont just fade when its
over..You need to help us be able to fall in love. Its so hard, but we
all know that its one of the things that Kalen really wants...



Micheal, The Psychologist..The housing for the Scientist. Your
analytical mind is overwhelming at times, giving you an almost cold
outlook at any given situation, seeing it as only such. Purely
situational, an objective overview. You see what isn' blinded, but also
what is intelligent. You aren't very fun, thats for sure, but when it
comes to the correct course of action, we know that you are the one to
turn to. With your Psychology, You can tap into anyone's feelings, and
help them in ways that they cant see. It's you that we are the most
proud to have been able to create by mixing ourselves. Without your
intelligence, we wouldn't be able to help people as we do. So thank
you..Not only are you a scientist, but because of you, and the way you
think when you mix with the others.. When you mix with Kalen, you
become a doctor..when you mix with Kei, a poet. With Mike, you
understand how Sexuality is a part of someones being, not just a
naughty thing that comes and goes.



Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart..and please, take care of
me. Help me become the man that i want to be. That i need to be to make
all of my dreams come true. To make me feel all of the ways that i want
to feel...